4 ways to support a friend with chronic illness
If you have a friend with chronic illness or chronic pain, you may find yourself wondering how you can support them. Every individual person is different, and might have slightly different wants or needs, so be sure to ask if you’re unsure! This is written through the point of view of a “friend” but these suggestions could be adapted for anyone- so feel free to substitute this language for “partner” or “family member” if you’d like.
Here are some general guiding principles and ideas about how you can support them:
Be understanding & willing to adapt
Know that when you make plans with them, there is a possibility they will need to cancel or adjust. If/when this happens, recognize that they probably don’t want to, but this is the reality of living with chronic illness- it’s always a bit unpredictable. Be patient and compassionate with your responses, and be open-minded to considering different ways to connect. Telling them that you’re there and ready to reschedule whenever they feel up for it can go a long way!
Offer support & assistance
When someone is going through significant episodes or flares of their illness/pain, their mobility and capacity for everyday tasks and responsibilities might be limited. Offering to help them can be a huge support, but make sure to be specific. Try suggesting specific tasks you could do for them- go to the pharmacy, pick up groceries, make them dinner! Or maybe they’d like someone to just sit with/ talk to them. Going through chronic illness can be lonely and isolating, so offering emotional support could be really helpful for some.
Validate symptoms & don’t downplay their experience
When your friend shares about their pain, discomfort, and other symptoms, be there to listen. Validate that what they’re experiencing is difficult and very real. Do not downplay what they’re feeling or minimize their emotions. They have likely experienced dismissal or even maybe gaslighting from medical professionals or others in their life, and you want to steer clear of reinforcing that.
Listen & learn
Most importantly, be there to listen. Pay attention to what they share and how they’re feeling. Do some research if you don’t know/understand what their illness is or how it can affect them. Don’t make assumptions about how it might manifest for them- ask questions if you’re not sure! This encourages them to continue to share and know they can count on you.
If you’re looking to start therapy for chronic illness with a therapist who truly gets it, I invite you to set up a free intro call today! You can do so here. Or, feel free to send me a message through my contact form.
Elizabeth Allen, LCPAT, LPC, LGPC, ATR-BC
Creative Pathways Counseling LLC
